


Under The Skies

by pcrkloey



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Artist Park Chanyeol, Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 09:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcrkloey/pseuds/pcrkloey
Summary: Baekhyun had always loved to watch Chanyeol paint. It made him feel happy.Months have passed, but Chanyeol was still determined to continue painting. He wanted to make his boyfriend happy again.Even if he had to watch from above.





	Under The Skies

**Author's Note:**

> based on [ this ](https://twitter.com/pcrkloey/status/1159358292197617664?s=20) twitter prompt of mine.
> 
> this is gonna be a little messy since I barely write any angst but I hope it's good enough.
> 
> happy reading, my loves!

_Chanyeol smiled widely as he set up his painting in the exhibition he was invited to._

_It was the first time for him to participate in an exhibition, and saying that he was happy was an underestimation. He was overjoyed to be given a chance to show his talent somewhere, somehow. Being an artist was hard, and receiving recognition for your work was even harder._

_He was about to hang up his piece of art when a voice suddenly spoke up from behind him. “Wow,” the person said._

_When Chanyeol turned around, he saw a short brunet now standing in front of him, smiling. His arms were crossed over his chest as he eyed the painting held tightly in Chanyeol's hands. “You sure have talent.” The stranger said and walked a little closer to Chanyeol, his hand now extended for a handshake._

_“Byun Baekhyun,”_

_“Thank you. Park Chanyeol.”_

_Their handshake was quick, the grip on each other's hands light and soft. And yet Chanyeol felt the smooth skin of the other, felt how small his hands were compared to his own._

_There was a slight silence between the two, before Baekhyun spoke up. He was small; Chanyeol easily towered over him, so the former had to look up while speaking._

_“How come I've never seen you around here?”_

_Chanyeol felt a gentle tingle in his stomach at the sight of the other. He was just so small, he looked so petite and fragile from his point of view. The stranger gave off a youthful vibe, with his eyes droopy and forming crescents while he smiled with those pouty, pink lips._  
_Baekhyun, with his milky white, flawless skin, looked almost ethereal, almost too good to be real._

_The taller returned the smile while shrugging shyly, turning to finally hang up his painting on the wall and then taking a step back to observe it. “I have this friend.” Chanyeol replied curtly, “She's pretty close to the guy organising this whole thing. She kind of helped me to get in here.” _

_Baekhyun gave a simple sound of acknowledgement in return, his short figure turning to walk through the exhibition. He gave Chanyeol a little nod towards the direction he was walking in- a sign to follow him, and the taller followed suit. They walked in silence, taking in the captivating sight of the artworks._

They are all so pretty and well done._ Chanyeol thought, and suddenly he didn't feel as confident about his painting anymore. Him becoming part of the exhibition was only due to luck. All the other artists in the room were called in because of their talent. Maybe he shouldn't have been too confident in his skills._

_“It was well decided of your friend.“ Baekhyun suddenly spoke up, facing the paintings hung up on the wall as they walked around._

_“This exhibition takes place annually, I've never missed it before.” The shorter still didn't look at Chanyeol, but continued speaking. “I've seen hundreds of artists' works, and I must admit..” Baekhyun stopped at a painting of Cherry Red, Emerald Green and Titanium White. Chanyeol halted as well._

_“That most of the stuff here isn't as impressive as always..”_

_With a sigh, Baekhyun crossed his arms over his chest again, examining the painting thoroughly and probably criticising it in his mind, Chanyeol figured._

_“Just look at this one, Chanyeol.. Looks like a toddler's crude attempt of painting a Christmas tree.” The last part came in a whisper, the short brunet now looking up to the taller with a cheeky grin plastered on his face._

_That was rude, Chanyeol thought, very rude. _

_But Baekhyun was right, he had to admit._

_The Emerald Green was spread across the canvas messily, the Cherry Red scattered around in the form of dots, and the Titanium White was sprinkled on top of it. It indeed looked like a Christmas tree- with the red symbolising the baubles hanging from it and the white being the snow falling upon it._

_Chanyeol couldn't help but chuckle at the thought, and the smile remained when he saw the smaller still grinning at him cheekily, with his pearly white teeth showing. And in no time the latter had to release a little giggle as well._

_“That was mean..” The taller almost whined, nudging Baekhyun's side. But the laughter didn't stop any time soon._

_“But you still laughed, no?” Baekhyun giggled and cautiously looked around the room before gently gripping on Chanyeol's arm and hurriedly pulling him away from the painting to walk on._

_“Can't get caught laughing about it. The artist wouldn't be so happy.”_

_They continued to walk around together, looking at the paintings and getting to know each other._

_Sometimes they just commented on the paintings, sometimes they talked about themselves. Chanyeol had to admit that he felt very comfortable around the other, even though he was normally the quiet, shy and awkward type of person. _

_Chanyeol told him what got him into painting, Baekhyun told him why he liked art so much. _

_“Say, where do you paint, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked and looked up at the taller with a grin. He was so short and small, Chanyeol couldn't help but smile at the sight of him._

_They were now back to where they first met, right in front of Chanyeol's painting. The latter insisted on going back, just in case visitors were keen on asking the artist some questions regarding his picture._

_“At home usually,” he answered, “I have this room, you know? Just for my art.”_

_Baekhyun seemed impressed and nodded. “Maybe I can see you paint sometime.”_

_Chanyeol raised an eyebrow as he looked at the other. “Are you inviting yourself to my home?” He joked, but then he saw that Baekhyun was serious about it. His ears reddened at the thought. “We could.. meet up sometime? Maybe?” Chanyeol suggested._

_“We could get some lunch together and then I'd take you to see me paint?”_

_He saw Baekhyun's lips slowly curling into a soft smile._

_“I'd love that.”_

Chanyeol gulped nervously as he stepped closer to the door he hadn't dared to look at for a while. He could feel his mouth becoming dry, his hands sweating and his lips quivering. It had been six whole months since the last time he entered his art room. Six months have passed since he painted something. It took him a lot of courage, and even more time until he decided that he was ready to approach it.

He placed his hand on the cold metal door handle and pulled it down slowly. He closed his eyes upon entering the door and let the smell of dried oil paint and old canvas fill his nose. His jaw clenched. His hands curled up into fists.

_You can do this, Chanyeol._ He thought. Yes, he could do this. Just this once.

It had been a while since he smelled all of this, this distinctive smell he used to be so familiar with. But now it felt suffocating, it smelled toxic and artificial, he could smell the amount of dust that had gathered on top of his belongings. Chanyeol felt like throwing up.

For a moment Chanyeol stood still at the door, his eyes still closed and his fist tightening; his nails were digging into his palm and it hurt, but he didn't care at the moment. All he could focus on was that smell, that horrible stench, he wanted to call it; and the pictures that flooded his mind once it wafted through his nose.

It took him a minute to get used to it, to calm down and let his ragged breathing become steady again. Chanyeol could feel his eyes stinging, even if they were closed, and it took him a lot of self-encouragement to bite his tears back before opening them and taking in the view of his former workplace. The room looked just like the way Chanyeol had left it. There were a few old paintings made into a neat stack, his brushes, pencils and a few paint tubes scattered on the floor.

His lips curled into a bittersweet smile as he walked over to the sky blue couch that was placed in the very back of the room to take a seat on it. He let his eyes wander once he was settled on the soft cushion comfortably, eyeing everything in the room carefully, until his eyes landed on the painting that had been hung up on the wall, right above his desk.

The memories of it flooded his mind.

_“Wow.. this is your art room, you say?” Baekhyun seemed amazed the second he entered the room. They had just come back from their lunch **date**, as Baekhyun called it earlier that day. Of course Chanyeol ended up blushing like the shy and easily flustered person he was, and Baekhyun wouldn't be his cheeky self if he didn't tease the other for it._

_It took two weeks after the exhibition until both of them had found the time to actually meet up and get some lunch together, just like Chanyeol had planned it the day they met. Two weeks of texting after they had exchanged their numbers at the exhibition, two weeks of almost unnoticeable flirting._

_Two weeks of Chanyeol feeling his affection for the smaller grow and his heart doing flips whenever they talked. Even now he could feel his heart racing as he watched the smaller look around in amazement. He observed every painting he found curiously, eyes big and twinkling. _

_Chanyeol nodded with a proud smile and closed the door behind them. He proceeded to sit down on the couch and watched as Baekhyun looked through everything after Chanyeol gave him the permission to. It wasn't a very big room, so Baekhyun finished quickly and sat down beside Chanyeol once he had seen what he had wanted to see. _

_“This room is so cool.” The shorter grinned at him and pointed at the empty canvas held up by the easel in the middle of the room. “Are you going to paint something on there, Chanyeol? Can I see?” He seemed so excited, Chanyeol couldn't help but let out a laugh. He was like a little kid, so excited, so easily amused._

_“Yes, Baekhyun, I am going to paint something. And yes, you can watch, too.” _

_The latter's grin widened. “What are you waiting for, then? Paint! Go!” He exclaimed and gently pushed Chanyeol off the couch. _

How silly._ Chanyeol thought and smiled to himself as he got on his feet, looking down at his friend who was still sitting on the soft blue cushion._

_“Tell me what I should paint, then.” He said and proceeded to walk over to his desk, where he kept his brushes. He rummaged through his drawer, hearing Baekhyun hum in thought behind him, and when Chanyeol looked up, he found the other smiling widely at him._

_“A sunset,” Baekhyun answered, “I love sunsets. Preferably with a nice scenery- maybe a lake? With the sun disappearing behind the horizon.. I'd really love that.” _

_Chanyeol smiled back at him, nodding. It sounded like a lot, but it wasn't something Chanyeol hadn't done before. And if it made Baekhyun happy, he wouldn't mind._

_Painting was his passion, and making the smaller happy on top of that seemed just perfect._

_He reached into his box of paint tubes to search for the perfect colors and decided that multiple diverse shades of yellow, orange and red would suffice. Baekhyun seemed indulged in what he was doing, following his every move even as he sat down in front of the canvas after grabbing a palette and squeezing some paint onto it._

_“Watch me,” Chanyeol said as he turned around, only to catch the smaller happily nodding at him. He felt Baekhyun's stare on him as he started letting his brush stroke against the canvas with bright yellow paint. Slowly by slowly he started using darker, warmer colors, mixing them up and painting even the smallest details, creating a beautifully blended sunset reflecting on the water surface, with the sun on its way to rest behind the horizon._

_When he had finished, he turned around to look at Baekhyun, who was still looking at him in awe, hands clasped together as he rested his chin against them._

_“Chanyeol, this is so beautiful!” Baekhyun said and got up from the couch to have a closer look at it, the smile never leaving his face. “You blend the colors so well. I was never able to do that.” He said, the pout now on his lip audible as he spoke._

_“You paint, too?” Chanyeol asked and raised his eyebrow. Why did watching him excite the other so much then?_

_Baekhyun shook his head. “I've tried for a while, but it doesn't seem to be the right thing for me. That's why I stick to looking at other people's art.”_

_“Show me how you paint, then.” The corner of Chanyeol's mouth curved into a gentle smirk as he spoke. “I want to see you paint, too.”_

_The shorter shook his head again, but this time with a chuckle. He seemed a little flustered. “Show me how you paint, Baekhyun!” He pouted while talking, letting his hands grip on Baekhyun's upper arm and holding onto him tightly; the smaller couldn't help but let out a laugh as he shook him off._

_“Fine, let me try, big baby.” Baekhyun muttered and rolled his eyes when he already saw Chanyeol rushing to get him a brush and his whole box of oil paint tubes after leaving his own painting dry on his desk and replacing the canvas on the easel with a fresh one. He let Baekhyun choose the colors: a few dark blue shades, black, gray and a light pink as well._

_Chanyeol thought they were a bit boring, maybe because he preferred to work with bright, colorful paints._

_He sat down on the couch and looked at Baekhyun, who was now staring blankly at the canvas in front of him. He seemed hesitant, clueless on how to start, and the taller decided to help him out._

_“Art is about expressing yourself. Paint how you feel.” Chanyeol said._

_He saw the other slowly dipping his brush into the paint, the tool in his hand held up for a moment, before Baekhyun let loose and finally let it touch the white canvas in front of him._

_Chanyeol watched him, he saw how he alternated between the colors, how he took his time to think his concept through._

_It took a while, but Chanyeol didn't mind, because he liked seeing the other paint. It was relaxing. _

_When Baekhyun had finished, he turned around to face the one sitting on the couch. “I've.. finished.” He mumbled and looked down on to the floor._

_The whole background was painted gray with quite a lot of strokes of black and blue everywhere. There were multiple pink brush strokes decorating the painting, most of them gathered in the middle and the rest scattered around it._

_“This is how I feel.” Baekhyun stated and looked at Chanyeol, whose face showed hints of confusion. Chanyeol was an artist himself, but he didn't understand the meaning behind it. _

_“I don't quite get it.” He mumbled truthfully and examined the painting in front of him a little more by standing up and walking closer to it. He saw the brunet's cheeks flush in a soft pink color, almost the same shade he had used on the painting just now._

_“You don't have to get it. Just tell me, how is it?” _

_Chanyeol let out a chuckle and gave the other a nod, “I like it, Baekhyun. I really like it. I like the way you paint.”_

Chanyeol tore his stinging eyes away from the painting on the wall and looked down on to the floor, taking a deep breath. He couldn't bring himself to look at it anymore because it hurt him. Every single memory that came into his mind broke his already broken heart into even smaller pieces.

He could feel his chest tightening, physically hurting, could feel the lump in his throat forming and blocking his airways.

It had been so long since he saw the painting Baekhyun had made and he had almost forgotten about it even, pushed all the thoughts of it into the depths of his mind because all the other memories were enough to keep him hurting all these months.

But now it was back, and Chanyeol wondered whether forgetting about it would have brought him a step closer to moving on.

He felt sudden tears forming in his eyes and blurring his vision, the painting becoming a blur of cold colors, but as hard as he tried to hold them back, to keep strong and not let the sadness win over him, it didn't work.

He let them fall, let them roll down his cheeks one by one, even though he hated crying. He let them fall because he couldn't hold it in anymore, the pain was too overwhelming and letting it all out seemed to be his last resort.

Especially now that he knew what the meaning behind it was.

_“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispered, “Do you remember? The picture I painted when I came here for the first time?” He asked Chanyeol, who had now been his boyfriend for seven months already._

_They came together after Chanyeol couldn't hold himself back one night, about four months after Baekhyun's first visit. They have grown closer, inseparable even, and Baekhyun slept over at his home that night. He fell on top of him during a pillow fight, and the other couldn't help but to kiss the smaller, whose face had been so close to his own._

_Chanyeol nodded and looked at Baekhyun while shifting closer to him on the couch they were cuddling on. “Why are you bringing it up?” The brunet's cheeks flushed as he looked at his boyfriend in the eye. “I realised that I've never told you the meaning behind it.” He said, lifting his hand to run his fingers through the other's soft, pitch black hair. Chanyeol suddenly grew curious._

_He had totally forgotten that there was some sort of meaning to it. It had been a while since._

_“What's the meaning?”_

_Baekhyun let a little smile play on his lips before taking the other's hand in his. “Gray,” he started, “My boring life.”_

_Chanyeol thought so. His lover had always complained about how boring his daily life was and how he'd rather be with Chanyeol, spending time together and watching him paint pictures for him. The taller chuckled and smiled as he squeezed his boyfriend's hand._

_But then Baekhyun continued, and the smile faded off his face._

_“Blue and black,” He said, “Sadness and fears.”_

_He remembered how many strokes of blue and especially black were on seen on the canvas, and worry took over him._

_A few seconds of silence passed, before Chanyeol decided to speak up. “What are you afraid of, Baek?”_

_Baekhyun only gave him a small smile and shook his head dismissively before cradling the taller's face in his hand and planting a gentle kiss on the pouting lips. “Many things, Chanyeol. You don't have to worry about it.”_

_But Chanyeol still worried. He wondered why he was so scared, why he was so sad. What made him feel like that? What could Chanyeol do to make it better for him? Did it get better during their time together? Chanyeol had so many questions._

_“Yeol,” Baekhyun called, and Chanyeol finally snapped out of his thoughts. “There's one more color, remember?” He chuckled and let his thumbs gently smooth down the frown on Chanyeol's face lovingly._

_“Pink.. symbolises the way you made me feel.” Baekhyun spoke out in a whisper, but loud enough for the other to hear. Chanyeol felt his heart skip a beat at the confession._

_“The things you made me feel.. they stood out from all the things I've gone through in my boring life.” There was a little pause, as if Baekhyun was considering if it was alright to say it, and then he continued._

_“Those single brush strokes stand for the little things I felt when I was with you. They were scattered all over the place, but at some point they gathered in my heart and formed what I feel for you now. Deep affection and love.”_

_Chanyeol was speechless. He didn't know what to say, and Baekhyun gave him a gentle, sweet kiss to tell him that he, in fact, didn't need to say anything, before speaking up again, the slightest smile on his lips._

_“Do you know why I made the pink stand out so much? Amidst the gray, all the blue and black?”_

_The taller shook his head._

_“Because I finally felt happy.”_

Chanyeol's tears continued to flow with each thought that came back.

Baekhyun never told him what his fears were, but it didn't take Chanyeol a lot to find out. Sometimes he wondered whether it was better not to know about it, because the pain that came with those secrets was so vast, he wished he never found out in the first place.

“I shouldn't have come in here.”

He originally came in because it had been so long since he was inside his art room. He thought about painting a nice picture again after such long time, to keep his promise, but now he started to reconsider the reasons not to come in here in the first place.

Chanyeol wiped his drying tears away with the sleeves of his sweater and sighed before looking out the window. The sun was shining, the sky was bright blue, even during this season, and the birds were chirping outside. How could everything look so calm and peaceful outside when he felt this miserable inside?

“I miss you, Baekhyun.” He whispered, despite knowing how much Baekhyun disliked him saying that. 

_“You don't miss me, you want to see me.”_

_“Missing someone means feeling like a part of you has gone with them. You don't feel like that. You just want to see me.”_

That was what Baekhyun always told him.

Chanyeol never understood what Baekhyun meant by that, but now he realised how right the other actually was. Chanyeol never missed him. He only wanted to see him; to hold him in his arms and kiss him. He wanted to tell his boyfriend that he loved him. He didn't feel like a part of him was missing, because he knew that Baekhyun had always been only one phone call away.

The days after Baekhyun left were the days Chanyeol finally realised how it felt like to miss someone. He now knew what Baekhyun meant by saying that. Because when he left Chanyeol alone, Chanyeol felt that something had gone along with his boyfriend: his happiness.

He sadly looked around the room one more time. It held so many memories, so many bittersweet memories. But even then, he couldn't help but be reminded of the painful ones that still haunted him at night, the memories that gave him the nightmares when all he wanted was to finally sleep in peace again.

It was the room Baekhyun loved the most. It was the room where he and Baekhyun spent most of their time together.

It was the room where Chanyeol found out about _it_, the horrible thing that took his first and only love away from him.

_Chanyeol had already figured that something was wrong with his boyfriend that day. He wasn't as cheerful and energetic as always._

_Today he was quiet, moody even. Chanyeol noticed right away, and decided to attempt cheering up his lover by doing what the latter loved most; to let him watch him paint._

_But even that couldn't seem to lift his mood. Baekhyun was quietly sitting on the sky blue couch as the taller sat in front of his canvas and painted a picture of a bouquet of sunflowers and daisies, two of Baekhyun's favorite flowers. _

_“Baekhyun..” Chanyeol sighed and got up from where he was sitting, wiping the paint on his hands on an old rag before sitting down beside his boyfriend._

_“Come on, sweetheart, won't you tell me what's wrong? I've been trying to cheer you up but.. it seems like it doesn't work.”_

_The smaller didn't respond, his head hanging low as he focused his gaze on the wooden floor beneath them._

_“Can you tell me what's wrong so I can help, my love?”_

_When he received yet no response, the taller let out a sigh and turned on his side to properly take his boyfriend into his arms. Baekhyun let himself fall against Chanyeol's chest and remained there when the latter started placing gentle kisses on the top of his head. Chanyeol held him close, assuring him that no matter what was bothering him, it would be okay as long as he was by his side._

_“It's okay if you don't want to tell me, beautiful.” Chanyeol whispered against his hair, his hand gently rubbing soothing circles on his arms. “Just know that I'm here to help whenever you need me.”_

_They stayed like this in silence, with his small lover trapped in his arms, unresponsive, quiet. He could sense the tension, but nonetheless, he felt content._

_Chanyeol always loved breathing in the already familiar scent of Baekhyun, he loved holding the other securely in his arms and pulling him close. During moments like these, Chanyeol felt himself falling harder and harder for the other. _

_However, Chanyeol was brought back to reality when Baekhyun let out a small whimper._

_Their hug was broken in no time, Chanyeol pulling away instantly to take a look at his boyfriend, whose lips were now quivering, and from what he saw, with tears filling his eyes._

_“Baekhyun? What's wrong?” He asked worriedly, reaching up to cup his lover's face in his hands. The brunet looked at him straight in the eye, before the first few tears started rolling down his cheeks._

_“Tell me what's wrong, please.” The taller was almost whining by now as he saw more of Baekhyun's tears, they flowed like waterfalls out of his eyes by now, and Baekhyun seemed to want to stop them by squeezing his eyes shut._

_He couldn't see him like this. All day, Chanyeol tried to ignore the sudden mood change in his boyfriend, but now that he was crying, he couldn't act like it was nothing anymore. Baekhyun was obviously hurting and he wanted to stop it._

_Broken sobs left the smaller's mouth as he threw himself against his boyfriend, hiding his face in the crook of his neck as more tears wetted the sweater Chanyeol was wearing._

_“It's back..” Baekhyun cried out loud, “It's back, Chanyeol and I'm so scared.”_

_What was happening? What was back? What was he so scared of?_

_“Whatever it is,” Chanyeol assured, reaching up to stroke his boyfriend's hair and trying to calm him down even if he felt his own heart clenching at the cries, “You can do this, my love. You don't have to be afraid when I'm with y-”_

_“But you don't understand!” Baekhyun screamed as he slipped out of Chanyeol's grip in one swift movement. The latter tried to pull him into an embrace again, only to have his hand swatted away by his crying boyfriend. He was still sobbing, his eyes were turning bloodshot as more tears escaped them._

_“Five y-years ago.” Baekhyun wailed, and Chanyeol held his breath at what was about to come._

_“Th-they told me I was cancer free! They promised, Chanyeol... but.. but it's back..”_

_The last words came out in a whisper, a whisper that helped him release his last bit of frustration, before he slumped back into the armrest of the couch, chest heaving up and down as he tried to calm down, the tears still running freely._

_At that moment, Chanyeol felt his world falling apart._

A shiver ran down Chanyeol's spine as he remembered that day. It was a horrible day, filled with fear and the sudden urge to protect his lover for the rest of their time together.

It was the day he found out about his boyfriend's fear and all the sadness stowed up within him, the day he truly understood what the painting was about. And he remembered Baekhyun telling him that it wasn't the cancer itself that he was fearing.

Baekhyun feared the day it would come back, the day it would haunt him and once again turn him into the miserable mess he was a few years before he met Chanyeol.

He didn't fear death, he feared the day he had to leave Chanyeol alone in this world, the day he would no longer be able to be by his side and be happy with him.

Baekhyun feared the day he would breathe his last because it meant that he would upset his beloved and leave him suffering on his own.

He feared the aftermath of his disease because he would lose the only thing that kept him happy.

And Chanyeol saw that fear, he saw the horror in his eyes when he accompanied him to his first ever chemotherapy in years. He saw it when Baekhyun lost the first few handfuls of hair. He saw it when his lover broke down weakly during the day, when he needed assistance and slowly started to realise just how serious his condition was.

And the last time Chanyeol saw it, was six months ago when he had watched Baekhyun weakening, drained of color and lying in the hospital bed in front of him.

_“How are you doing today, Baekhyun?” The nurse asked with a smile on her face as she helped Baekhyun straighten out his sheets._

_“Definitely better now that Chanyeol is here with me..” The patient let out a weak laugh, along with the nurse, who helped him prop up his pillow, before Baekhyun turned his head to give his boyfriend a sweet and loving smile. Chanyeol could only smile back as he looked at his pale lover lying in front of him. Chanyeol was sitting beside the hospital bed, holding his boyfriend's hand in his own and giving it a gentle squeeze of assurance._

_Chanyeol admired him for a moment, watching him lovingly even when he now looked so different compared to the first time they had met._

_Baekhyun's eyebrows and his fluffy, brown hair were no longer there, the last bit had just fallen off last week and Baekhyun had spent a good thirty minutes crying because he thought Chanyeol would no longer desire him if he had no more hair. It took Chanyeol a lot of talking and reassurance to calm his boyfriend down. He spent those thirty minutes holding the smaller in his arms and kissing him all over again and telling him that he was still as beautiful as the day they met._

_It didn't matter what Baekhyun looked like. He was beautiful in Chanyeol's eyes, no matter what. Even if he was now skinny, pale and hairless, even when he was no longer as warm as whenever they cuddled back then, Chanyeol didn't love him any less._

_He waited until the nurse had left the room before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on Baekhyun's blueish lips. They were cold, but still as soft as the day he first kissed them. “You look so beautiful, my love.” He whispered, face still as near._

_Baekhyun broke out in a smile, but whined anyway, giving a weak punch to Chanyeol's chest, mumbling. “Sweet talker..”_

_The taller only laughed and assured him that he was telling the truth, if not more than that, and stole another kiss before sitting upright and stroking the hand that was still in his own. They were smiling at each other, eyes filled with love and adoration for one another. None of them said a word, they didn't need to because it was all so clear to them._

_They didn't need any words to say how much they loved each other._

_A few loving gazes were shared, until Baekhyun spoke up weakly, quiet and throaty._

_“Chanyeol..? Can I tell you something?”_

_“Anything.” Chanyeol said and lifted up their hands to kiss the back of Baekhyun's multiple times, his eyes never leaving the other's._

_“Can you promise me something before it's too late?”_

_Chanyeol resisted the urge to bite back at him. _ _He hated hearing Baekhyun doubt how much time he had left._

_It reminded him of the fact that his lover might be gone soon, that they were dealing with a serious situation._

_The fact that Baekhyun was suffering from a deadly illness was something that both of them tried forgetting. Holding onto the fact that the smaller might be close to his end would only keep them from enjoying and cherishing their last moments together, and that was something the two of them would never allow._

_After all, a lot of time had passed since Baekhyun announced that his cancer was back. That was about nine months ago, and the smaller hadn't been making a lot of progress. His condition was worsening and it hurt Chanyeol on levels that couldn't be expressed in words, but he kept quiet at the question and nodded, just for the sake of not upsetting him._

_“I won't be with you forever and I'll probably miss out on a lot of things.. like you being internationally recognised for your talent!” Baekhyun giggled quietly and did his best to sit up and match his height with his boyfriend._

_“You're gonna get so far with what you have, Yeol.. I'll really miss watching you paint for me.” _

_Chanyeol could feel the tugging feeling on his heart, he could feel the tears forming and coming because he knew what Baekhyun was implying. And he would miss it, too._

_He would spend the rest of his life yearning for his lover to be next to him when he painted something. It would never be the same again._

_“So now, onto the promise..” The smaller mumbled and lifted his free hand to wrap it around Chanyeol's bigger one holding the other._

_“Promise me you'll never lose the motivation to paint, okay? You're amazing and even if I'm not around to watch you anymore, I want you to live out your passion.” Baekhyun gave him a sad smile and leaned over to place a gentle kiss on the mole on Chanyeol's nose._

_His favorite spot to kiss._

_“You know how happy it makes me to watch you paint, right?”_

_At this moment, Chanyeol lost all control over the tears filling his eyes. All the talking reminded him of what was going to come, reality dawning on him._

_The tears escaped the corners of his eyes without him wanting to, and Baekhyun only sighed with a little laugh, trying to lighten the mood as best as he could. But it didn't work._

_“Oh, my love, stop crying..”_

_Two thumbs wiped the tears from his cheeks softly, his lover was cupping his face now after letting go of Chanyeol's hand. Another kiss was placed on his lips, soft and quick, but filled with so much love, before Baekhyun continued speaking._

_“So now promise to make me proud, okay, my love? Promise to keep me happy even when I'm gone.”_

_Chanyeol nodded quickly, more tears falling from his eyes before he embraced his skinny boyfriend with a loving hug, reassuring him that yes, he will keep his promise. No matter what were to happen._

_And at this point, even Baekhyun couldn't keep his sadness hidden within him anymore, Chanyeol knew when he felt fresh tears soaking his shoulders where Baekhyun's head was resting._

_“I promise you, Baekhyun. I won't disappoint you, okay?” The words were shaky, laced with sadness and affliction._

_Baekhyun started sobbing against his shoulder, hands searching for Chanyeol's before he squeezed them weakly and leaned back to show a smile. Even with the tears rolling, Baekhyun managed to choke out words that Chanyeol would forever keep in his heart._

_“I love you, Chanyeol. Forever and always.”_

_“I love you so much more, beautiful.” Chanyeol chuckled bitterly and wiped his tears with the sleeves of his sweater before pecking his boyfriend's lips over and over again, as if cherishing the little time he had left to do so._

_“Forever and always.”_

_Shy, bittersweet smiles were shared, along with a few kisses and words of endearment, before the moment was cut short by Baekhyun coughing into his hand loudly._

_“All good?” Chanyeol asked with a raised brow when he noticed the other blankly staring at the palm of his hand. When the latter didn't budge, when he refused to give any kind of response, Chanyeol decided to look for himself._

_But he regretted it the very moment he saw what Baekhyun was staring at._

_Blood._

_His boyfriend had coughed blood. And before Chanyeol could say anything about it, he coughed again. Again and again, until Chanyeol was wide eyed and staring at the smaller in horror when blood escaped the corners of his mouth. _

_“Baekhyun!” He called out, looking around to see if anything could help them, but there was nothing. _

_“Yeol-” **Cough.**_

_“Call.. the nurse- Press that button- I-” **Cough. **_ _“I don't think I'll last any longer..”_

_“Don't you dare say that!” He yelped in worry, reaching over to press the red emergency button beside Baekhyun's bed to call the nurse. He pressed and pressed, until he was furiously pushing it repeatedly while Baekhyun choked on his breath._

_“I can't breathe..” Baekhyun brought out in between pants, sprinkles of blood coming out of his mouth and staining the white bedsheets. Baekhyun tried to cover his mouth, crying, sobbing and coughing more blood into his hands._

_Chanyeol felt dizzy with worry, he was shaking with hysteria, he could feel the amount of adrenaline rushing through his veins as he abused that button, pressed it every single second to call a nurse. Why were they taking so long?_

_Were their patient's lives not important enough?_

_He wanted to rip that fucking button off of where it was and run out the room to yell for help, but there was no way he would ever let Baekhyun go._

_Not now. Not when he was suffering._

_“Why are they taking so fucking long!” Chanyeol yelled out, but Baekhyun squeezed his arm and shook his head._

_“It's okay, they'll.. come...” He panted out loud, reaching out for his lover as he panted. “Just hold me and I'll be fine.”_

_And Chanyeol did just that._

_He held him close against his chest even if he himself was shaking, whispering and reminding his one and only first love just how much he loved him._

_He told him that everything was going to be okay, he told him that nothing was ever going to come between them. He told him that he'd keep his promise no matter what._

_He told him everything he loved about him, all of it in a hushed breath, nervous and rushed, but still full of sincerity._

_If it was indeed time, he wanted Baekhyun to know how much he loved him and that he'd do anything for him._

_The next thing he knew was that multiple nurses and a doctor came rushing into the room in a hurry, all of them forcefully removing Chanyeol's grip from Baekhyun, who cried and sobbed for his boyfriend despite the shortage of breath._

_He saw that look in his eyes. _ _Baekhyun was afraid._

_Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol by his side when he left. And the latter wanted to do just that more than anything, but if leaving his side, even for just a moment, would help them keep his beloved alive, he would do it._

_So the taller stood back, crying, wishing for the torture to end, praying that it was all just some messed up dream and that Baekhyun would be alive and well the moment he woke up._

_But no matter how long he begged God to end it, nothing happened, and he was left forced to watch them do their best to help Baekhyun out of his misery._

_It didn't take long for Baekhyun to calm down, to lie back and lay there quietly as they put an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. The only sound heard was the heavy breathing of his boyfriend, who seemed to be fighting his hardest to keep himself alive._

_But before he knew it, Baekhyun's body slowly gave up._

_Just seconds after, a loud, monotone beeping sound resonated within the room. Baekhyun flatlined._

_And then he was gone._

_Along with Chanyeol's happiness._

Chanyeol let out a whimper as he bit his tears back, shaking his head to get those thoughts out of his head. No, he was not going to cry anymore. Baekhyun wouldn't be happy to know that he still hadn't let go of that very day.

He had to keep strong.

So he mustered up all his courage and did what he wanted to do in his art room in the first place. He walked over to the fresh canvas placed in the corner of the room and picked it up. There was no single brush stroke of color seen on it, so he picked it up. A thin layer of dust was gathering on it by now, that was how long it had been since he touched it. He blew it all away and stared blankly at the white material in his hands.

Six months ago, Chanyeol made a promise.

He promised to make his lover proud, he promised to keep him happy, even when he was long gone. And Chanyeol wanted to keep that promise.

He remembered how much Baekhyun would bug him to paint something. He wanted to see Chanyeol paint whenever he came over, and Chanyeol loved to comply with. He loved seeing Baekhyun smile, he loved seeing the excitement and awe in the other's eyes whenever he finished yet another painting. He loved making the other happy, and he didn't want to stop making him happy.

With the canvas held tightly in his hands, he brought it outside to the balcony, along with the easel and the things he needed to paint.

There he saw the beauty of nature right in front of him. He saw how the season was slowly starting to transition to autumn; the now dry and crinkly leaves were starting to change their color and fall off, the wind blew a chilly gust of wind in his direction and made him shiver.

_Autumun used to be Baekhyun's favorite season._

Chanyeol let a soft, sad smile play on his lips as he looked at the scenery in front of him. It seemed like a great thing to paint, and so he did. He started painting the view in front of him, the thought of Baekhyun never leaving his mind as he occasionally stole a few glances at the sky above him.

Baekhyun might not be here anymore, but that wouldn't stop Chanyeol from making him happy.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading all of this, I had so much fun writing!!
> 
> enjoyed yourself? tell me your thoughts [ here! ](https://curiouscat.me/pcrkloey)


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